Planet Literature

Excerpts from Nadja Dietrich’s Novel Murder in the German Parliament! Investigations of a Cleaning Lady

The members of the German parliament appear to the protagonist of Nadja Dietrich’s crime novel like actors following a prepared script. Unfortunately, in her view, the casting agency did a poor job.

The visit to parliament was more exhausting than Lidia Afanasyevna had expected. If she hadn’t been kept awake by the thought of their flyer campaign, she would probably have long since fallen asleep.
No matter how hard she tried to concentrate on the speeches of the parliamentarians – she just didn’t succeed. The stereotyped intonations, the rehearsed excitement, the finger-in-the-air chopping as if trying to impale an imaginary opponent, the staccato of the words, artfully interrupted by pauses to elicit applause – all this distracted her so much from the content of the speeches that after only a few minutes it was impossible for her to tell what the speaker who had just left the lectern was actually so upset about.
It was as if she were watching the debates behind a soundproof glass wall, like when you turn off the sound on television. Mouths snapped open and shut, hands clasped the lectern in the posture of a recovering vulture, hair teetered in the chicken-like rhythm of bobbing heads.
Leaving aside the content of the speeches, the spectators were undoubtedly treated to an impressive spectacle. And the speakers indeed behaved like actors, thought Lidia Afanasyevna. When they stood behind the lectern, they presented themselves as tribunes of the people; with the fervour of Spartacus they railed against their opponents, who would lead this parliament, this country, Europe – indeed the whole world! – to the abyss. But as soon as they left the arena and disappeared into the backdrop again, they whispered with the other gladiator mimes as if they were competing with them in a collegial contest about who had delivered the most convincing performance that day.
What was astonishing, however, was that the performances of the people’s representatives seemed so amateurish despite their frequent appearances. Lidia Afanasyevna wondered whether it would be better to send them to drama school for a while before letting them take the lectern. Furthermore, she thought, it would have been better to leave the casting of the roles to a neutral casting agency.
As it was, things looked a bit like at a children’s birthday party: everyone wanted to be the noble knight who rescues the princess and saves the kingdom of the starving king from ruin. No one confessed to being the evil dragon at the bottom of his heart, the one who wants to usurp the kingdom by force.

Picture: Ai generated